


Still Alive

by Rhysanoodle



Category: Serpent & Dove Series - Shelby Mahurin
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Reid Curses, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 00:21:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21365089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhysanoodle/pseuds/Rhysanoodle
Summary: After the events ofSerpent & Dove- Reid finally tries to address some of the things looming heavily in the air between himself and Lou.
Relationships: Louise le Blanc/Reid Diggory
Comments: 9
Kudos: 117





	Still Alive

_I knew what you believed … and I fell in love with you anyway._ **  
**

Lou’s words had been haunting me day in and day out since we’d begun the trek to wherever Coco’s coven resided. The other witch had been decidedly vague with us all, promising that she wouldn’t lead us astray but also reticent to betray too many of her aunt’s secrets.

I wish I had it in me to care. Instead, I’d merely been trouncing on in a haze as my mind reeled over everything that had been revealed to me over that horrific week. Now that I had slowed down enough—now that I finally had Lou back in my arms—there was no holding my demons at bay with distractions.

She was forcibly upbeat whenever she was conscious, but even I could tell that it was a facade. I caught her looking behind us frantically, rubbing that fresh pucker of ragged skin at the base of her throat, leaning farther into me than necessary whenever she was in my arms.

It rubbed me raw to no end that I had to share the task with Ansel and Beau, but there could be no slowing, no resting midday to relieve my aching arms, and until we could find a horse—if we could find a horse—splitting the task of carrying her while she worked to regain her strength was just one of our realities.

At nights, when we made camp, she would hold onto me, as I gingerly led her around the camp in circles, working those muscles in her legs while the others cooked whatever meager scraps Coco was able to hunt.

Even when I was sneaking her part of my rations, Lou made no comment, accepting it graciously if she’d even noticed. It was killing me inside to see her like this, but how was one supposed to come back from death and just … pretend it didn’t happen?

My heart ached for my wife, but I was at a loss for what I could do to help her. I held her all through the night, never once letting go, even when her nightmares stirred her from her slumber—especially not then.

I was going to kill Morgane le Blanc. I had been raised to hate the woman, yet that hatred paled in comparison for the pure loathing I harbored for her now. She had discarded Lou as if she were no more than a prized hog, born and raised for the slaughter. Even the Archbishop seemed to have loved her more, knowing all the while what she must be.

Tonight, Lou had been especially quiet, lost in herself. We’d finally stumbled across a small town, and drawing our cloaks up tight, with a hint of transformative magic, we’d secured a few rooms.

When we had finally bathed and retreated to the small bed, I pulled her into me, letting her trace idle circles on my bare chest—we’d both forgone our grimy clothes in favor of just one night of feeling clean—absently for a minute before finally daring to speak. “Lou, it doesn’t have to be tonight, but at some point you need to tell me about what happened. _Please_. I can’t bear to see you like this.”

She raised her blue green eyes to meet mine, still keeping her hands occupied as we lay there, our breaths mingling. It was all I had to say, knowing that it may be a good while before she was willing to fill me in on the details, but it had needed to get off my chest. I needed her to know that. “Where you go, I will go. Where you stay, I will stay,” I repeated my vow to her. “Let me shoulder this burden with you.”

“Always the protector,” she huffed a tight laugh.

“Always,” I assured her.

With a sigh, she fumbled her hands, eyes moving to my chest, as if watching me breathe. “The strange thing is that, with the exception of the drugs, it was almost like I was just turning sixteen again. Of course, I had much more supervision this time, and she made sure I was physically incapable of escape. But my mother picked one of my childhood friends to oversee me, just like old times.”

She paused for a few deep breaths. “I know I hadn’t expected any differently. I _knew _that she had never loved me or wished for more than to use me to end the royal bloodline, but I just hadn’t been prepared to be laid on that alter all over again.”

“Why didn’t you escape again, pull out the same tricks as last time?” I questioned, knowing that the answer was likely to break my heart all over again.

“It wasn’t possible. I had to give up my life last time. A life for a life. I wasn’t able to give it up. I wasn’t able to give _you _up, Reid.”

“It would’ve been worth it, if it had meant you survived, Lou.”

At her furious shaking of her head, I pulled her closer to my chest. “Shhhh. It’s okay. You still have me. Always.” Then, out of morbid curiosity, I asked. “Did it hurt? Death?” Maybe if I finally got her to talk about it, it would break open whatever had ballooned between us and help her heal.

“Less than I expected, actually. I mean I’ve already died once before, with the burning …” Her chin jerked up at me in alarm. “I mean I didn’t actually die, just felt like it. Shit, I forgot you didn’t know about that.”

I tuck a wild strand of hair behind her ear before pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Ansel told me. I don’t … I don’t know how I didn’t see it earlier. I’m so sorry I put you through that. I _knew _how you felt about witches, and yet I still made you watch one burn.” I forced out a bitter laugh. “I think some sick part of me thought that would make you _understand _my hatred for them better.”

“I don’t fault you for that. I knew what you believed when I agreed to marry you. It didn’t stop me from falling in love with you anyway. Besides, you did bring me sweets when I was on my sick bed. That was pretty nice.” A tiny smile crept to her lips. It was the best I could’ve hoped for tonight, and that little piece of my heart which had broken for my wife began to piece itself back together.

“What I wouldn’t do to be able to shower you with sticky buns now. Alas this tiny town doesn’t even seem to have a bakery.”

“I’m sure you could find _other_ things to shower me with,” she retorted, a hint of fire returning to her eyes.

A similar one immediately lit inside me as I surveyed her, still naked in my arms, and somehow I felt guilty about it. I shouldn’t be feeling this way right now, even if she was insinuating … She needed to rest …

“Reid, _please_,” she breathed, and I understood what she was asking. I could give her this bit of distraction, even if it only took away the pain momentarily.

I traced a finger along her jaw, feeling her shudder beneath my touch. But then my hand hovered near her throat, my eyes narrowing on the scar, still puckered and pink from where it had been slashed open only days ago. It was the only one she had left—the others purged from her skin so she would maintain the illusion of being a perfect daughter.

Her eyelids fluttered as I leaned in, pressing a kiss to the hollow of her neck. I kept kissing along the scar, punctuating each with, “Never. Again.” or “I. Love. You.” Anything to let her know how strongly I felt for her. Though she claimed that she didn’t blame me for how I had acted, I still couldn’t help but feel like this distance I’d felt between us these past few days was still my fault.

All my fault for giving up on her and spewing vitriol at her and _letting _her run out into the streets by herself when she was drugged and upset. If I’d just been honest with myself, I would’ve realized that her heritage didn’t matter immediately because I _loved _her so wholly and irrevocably.

She let out a delicate moan and I moved down her bare torso, giving ample attention to each of her breasts, deliciously perky in the chilly winter air. Every movement of my hands down the curves of her hips was cautious and smooth. There would be other nights to be rough with her, but tonight … Tonight I wanted to worship her body and soul.

As I slid further down her body, I paused at her thighs, pressing gentle kisses to the insides of them, hearing her breathing pick up anytime I moved too close to my target. But then I’d move down and start again, over and over until I could tell she finally groaned my name softly. A plea.

Only then did I finally give in and oblige her, my tongue licking from the base of her sex up until I felt her breath hitch, knowing I had hit the right spot and relishing in the wetness I found waiting for me. This was all new to me, but I had read some—had some idea of how a woman liked to be touched. I could only hope that it was enough.

Lou jerked beneath me as I let my tongue stroke idle circles around that bundle of nerves, every once in a while delving lower when her body tensed, when her back arched. I wanted this to last, the longer the better to keep her mind out of that hell her mother had reintroduced into her life.

She even moaned when I slid my tongue inside her, doing her best to ride my face, as if it could compare in any capacity to other parts filling her parted lips.

It was only after awhile of this flirting, this teasing that I finally gave her the attention she so desired, focusing all my energy on that one spot she loved so much as I used one arm to pin her stomach to the bed while she writhed beneath me. The tiny wisps of sound emitted from her throat as she found her completion from my touch enough to sustain me through even the coldest of winters.

She came for longer than I expected her to, and when I could feel her body settling a bit, I slowed my tempo before pulling away reluctantly, tasting her still on my lips.

I gazed at her in anticipation, hoping to gain affirmation that that was as amazing for her as it was for me.

When she noticed me staring, she huffed and exhausted laugh, “Gods, Chass. Where’d you learn to fucking do that?”

There was that spark of Lou I’d been missing for weeks now. I moved until my head was back on the pillow and she was in my arms. “I’ve missed your dirty mouth,” I deflected, rubbing a thumb across her bottom lip. No reason to remind her that my only exposure to anything remotely sexual before her had come from books I squirreled away in the tower.

She frowned. “I miss yours too.”

“You’ve only heard me utter a curse word once, Lou.”

“And it was the greatest moment of my life. I thought I was dreaming.”

“Shit. Fuck. Asshole,” I swore in quick succession.

“You forgot cunt,” she scolded, but already I could tell that her voice was trailing, a peaceful rest seeming to overtake her.

“Cunt,” I murmured cradling her into my chest as she drifted off, a smile twitching on her lips.

I didn’t know if any of this happiness would last through the night or if tomorrow would bring its new share of struggles to pull her right back into that dark place, but all I could hope is that I’d made some sort of progress with her.

I cherished the warmth of her in my arms, having her all to myself until I fell asleep.

It would have to be enough for now.


End file.
